Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water

Here comes more QUIZAM!

1) I've just given you a cocktail that will stop your heart after 48 hours and there is no cure. How will you spend these 48 hours?

There are people in this world that I swore I would outlive and I damn well meant it. With the rest of the time I would have one last convo with my mother and two sisters, leave a post on here to explain that I'm never coming back, take a six pack, drive as fast as I could to a nice shade tree by a river and just relax and wait for it.

2) What is your idea of a perfect world?

A world without any bigotry at all of any kind combined with a world without organized religion. Yes I know it looks like I just said something bigoted after I said I wanted no bigotry but I disagree and I have spoken. My word is law. Oh, there should be more white chocolate in the new perfect world too because I can never find any and I really love it.

3) I give you 10 Million dollars but with these terms: You must move out of the country and you must leave alone and tell no one where you are going. Do you take it?

Yes. Me being me I see countless loopholes in these conditions. I will move out of the country but maintain a secondary residence in country while telling no one about my primary home. Them I will share the loot with my family as is right and proper but just never invite them over to my real house which would be in northern Europe probably.

4) If you could live as a character from any movie, which would it be?

I'm trying to think of a movie where someone gets to have sex with Monica Bellucci because that would be it. Other than that, Mal from Serenity, Harry Tuttle from Brazil, Ed Bloom from Big Fish or the lead character from a high end, big budget lesbian porn.

5) What is one thing most people don't know about you?

The size of my penis.

*taptaptap* Is this thing on?

Taco gave everyone questions to answer and since I can deny him nothing, here we go:

1. What is your favorite book of all time?

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. It is, without exception, the greatest novel ever written. You are free to think otherwise but you will of course be wrong. I have spoken. My word is law.

2. Now that you've given a totally bullshit answer in order to impress people on the intarwebs whom you've never met, stop being a poser and tell us what your real favorite book of all time is.

You're not going to get me with my own question. Good try though.

3. What famous person, past or present, would you ravage sexually given the opportunity? Addendum: this person must be counter to your own sexual orientation. If you are heterosexual, they must be of your sex. If you are homosexual, they must be of the opposite sex. If you are bisexual, they must be an animal or a plant.

I can't let Taco outdo me by answering all of these and then I only answer one. What kind of halfassedness would that be?

Male: If I have to choose one and only one? Johnny Depp probably. He's not just pretty, he's also very talented. But mostly it would be because he's pretty.

Female: Cleopatra. I have a longstanding crush on her. By all accounts she was insanely intelligent and apparently had a voice that was beautiful even when she was just speaking in normal conversation.

Animal and plant: When you think about it, they say "Fuck like a couple of bunnies" for a reason, right? Also, there's this ficus that's been giving me the ol' stink eye recently so, y'know.

4. What's the most bizarre sexual act you've ever committed? If you puss out and post something that's not interesting, we get to make fun of you. Make something up if you have to. Use lots of adjectives.

*edited because, well, because I said so*

5. Can you get the image of your grandparents fucking out of your head?

Both of my grandfathers died when I was still a baby so I couldn't get the image in my head even if I wanted to. In your face Flanders!

I am Leechor, Evil Master of Power Suction

1. Leave me a casual comment of no particular significance, like a lyric to your current favorite song, or your favorite kind of sandwich, maybe your favorite game. Any remark, meaningless or not.

2. I will respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.

3. Update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. Include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in your own post.

5. When others respond with a desultory comment, you will ask them five questions.

Questions by Damo/CS/I don't update my blog or sign into ICQ anything like often enough.

1. What's your full name, and is there a story behind any of the names you were given?

Brace yourself for mediocrity:

Earl Stephen Collins. My first name came from my father. He hated it and didn't want me named after him but my mother was adamant (re: wouldn't shut up about it) so he agreed to name me that on the condition that they then pick a middle name for me (he had none) which would be what everyone called me with no exceptions. He did not tolerate people calling me by my first name. When translated, my name means something like Crowned warrior prince. I dig it. Except for the part where the name that everyone calls me is from a guy that was killed for his beliefs. Perhaps not the best way to pick a name for a child.

2. What are your favourite homemade and take-away foods, and how long have you loved each?

Homemade is far and away Mom's chicken and dumplings. I would kill a man that got between me and the kitchen when she makes it. Take-away I'm going to have to say steamed Maryland blue crabs (it counts as take-away says I). If you get them from the right place then you will know what love tastes like. Ask anyone that's tried them.

I have loved each since the first time I tasted them. Just like your sister. I'm kidding! Jeez, you touchy bitches..

3. Desert island jukebox: You're sent on a retreat to a body of sand in the middle of nowhere with two palm trees and a hammock; what CDs did you pack (your wallet holds... let's say... ten)?

I object to this question on the grounds that is is cruel and unusual!

*shakes fist*

I'm going to assume that I'm not going to be stranded there forever but only for an extended period but still, ridiculously hard question. Do I pack music to fit the locale or do I just take my favorites? Do I try to offset the locale in some way? AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

OK, in no particular order and I'm not going to explain why, here goes:

1. The soundtrack from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
2. Led Zeppelin - How The West Was Won, Disc 1
3. Nude on the Moon - The B-52's Anthology, Disc 2
4. Faith No More - Either The Real Thing or Angel Dust. I'll flip a coin when it's time to go and choose then.
5. Johnny Cash - At Folsom Prison
6. Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
7. Alice in Chains - Dirt
8. Pantera - Vulgar Display of Power
9. Thelonius Monk with John Coltrane at Carnegie Hall
10. Depending on my mood, a really great Elvis or Beatles collection/best of/whatever.

4. What's your biggest achievement / proudest moment? Why? (if you can't come up with one, the question is "Why do you suck?")

I'm going to blow smoke up my own ass now and say that my biggest achievement is either reading my first novel at age three or first testing on a college level in sixth grade. I really am as smart as I say I am. Suck it.

5. Why oh why did you quit smoking?

You see even though I am ridiculously smart I am also capable of insane depths of stupidity. Case in point. I realized that smoking made me more relaxed and that I genuinely enjoyed it so of course I had to stop doing it and then go through the hell of withdraw followed by 2 and a half years (and counting) of almost never ending cravings. It's a wonderful display of exactly how much I hate myself really and thanks ever so much for reminding me.

Bitch.