I keep forgetting to tell you faithful few about my trip to Ohio. We went up for Rosalita's grandmother's 90th birthday. Since I freak out a little just looking at a plane we drove up which means we had to drive through Pennsylvania.
What a shithole.
Aside from the mysterious pockets of unexplainable stink you have to drive through from time to time, the place is crawling with Steelers fans. I wish hell were a real place so the Steelers and all their fans could burn in it. Because I hate them in case that was in some way unclear. (GO RAVENS!) Rosalita yelled at me approximately 183 times for informing the natives that their state is a hole and their various sports franchises are worthy of nothing but ridicule and contempt. Some of this when we stopped for gas and to stretch our legs. Apparently it's "rude" to "insult" people. Who knew? I was just trying to help them see the truth!
So yeah we get there and meet and greet and obviously grandma loves me (I mean really, was there some other way for that to end?) and at some point we end up in a store. There's an old lady in there, easily 75, buying lottery tickets. When she's done she turns to me and says, "Am I going to win?" to which I reply, "Of course you are." then she smiles her sweet old lady smile, walks behind me and grabs my butt and walks off.
But wait, there's more.
Before I can think to react on how awesome it is to get goosed by the elderly, she comes back and gets a handful of the other cheek. Clearly this is already the best trip ever.
Skipping ahead...skipping ahead...
We get to the actual birthday party and it's like a parade of old ladies. What's more, the more they come the shorter they get and it's not like the first ones were anything but short to begin with. Tiny, tiny women. I swear I was 3 inches taller than the last one to show while I was sitting down. Seriously there were so many and they were so short I wanted to hand out dark robes, whip out a silver ball and re-enact Phantasm. I practice pointing menacingly at people and calling them "BOY" for just such a chance. It would've been great.
I also got to hang out with Noq, which was mucho yay. All my friends live forever away in places that are not here so getting to see them is always a big win. Move here you heartless fuckers!
*ahem*
So yeah, we met at a bar to watch the Cavs game (there ain't much else to do in Ohio when it's not college football season, they tell me) and I'm pretty sure one of us accidentally ate the waitress, mistaking her for a single pork rib. It's the only way to explain how long we waited for someone to take our order. Eventually there was beer.
Delicious beer.
I introduced him to Rosalita (Seriously dude, Mexican. Don't believe her lies.) then we geeked out at each other for as long as we could. It was glorious.
Eventually we had to leave which involved another drive through PA (mystery stink, shitty state, terrible people, etc) then finally back home. YAY! I like going other places mostly because they remind me how much I love my home state. Thanks for that, other places! I appreciate your efforts to be less awesome.
Showing posts with label adventures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adventures. Show all posts
Friday, May 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I'll have you Walking Spanish
So as is my way I recalled a thing that happened to me sometime after the fact (my memory will come and go as it pleases, wandering away for wild adventures before finally finding its way home to settle down) and when it popped back in my head I blurted it out to the first person I saw, which was Taco.
"Hey", I said, "Did I tell you I got hammered and stole a pirate hat from a liquor store?"
And so it began.
Demands for a complete retelling, pictures of the glorious thing itself, getting other people to demand pictures until I just couldn't take it anymore. So I sent those out to those as asked after them but then I got to thinking that such a fine tale of daring should be shared and passed down to future generations.
So we're out sailing the seas (at a bar) and decide it's lame and to take all the cool people (us) over to Mike's to just hang out. We drop the women off and we hearty menfolk drive to the liquor store to raid it for it's boozey goodness as I'd not had my fill yet.
We arrive (flourish of trumpets) and storm into the joint, as is our way, looking for our chosen plunder. On our way down an aisle I see a Captain Morgan display and on it, a hat. Not just any hat my friends, an awe inspiring cheap plastic pirate hat. It was love at first sight.
"Mike!", I yelled (because, Mike). "Dude!" (because, sometimes, dude). "Look at this hat!"
I put it on and instantly I could sense it had been waiting for me. It was MINE.
Mike turned and, seeing me in all my piratey glory, bellowed, "That is the GREATEST fucking thing I've ever seen!" Truly he is wise.
We raid and plunder the store for our desired libations and boldly stride up to the register, me with my new hat in its rightful place.
"This hat is awesome," I said.
"Look at how awesome that fucking hat is!" Mike added.
They looked upon me and were appropriately moved by my mighty visage.
"Look how great I look in it."
"Look at how fucking gorgeous he is in that thing!" It should be noted that Mike, like so many straight men before him, is confused by the feelings I give him in his swimsuit area.
"I'm taking it with me, obviously."
"There's no WAY he's leaving without it!"
Now you might be saying to yourself, But...stealing is wrong! and you'd be correct. Mostly. There are situations that warrant a little misdemeanor larceny. Some even that demand it. This was one of those times. If police had been present they surely would have applauded me and told everyone to calm down and, if it came to it, stand in front of a judge and declare my actions naught but joy filled shenanigans. Though of course I'm not sure how shenanigans are covered under the law. Does the 3 strikes rule come into play? Are previous shenanigans held against you or in your favor? It's a mystery.
Anyway, we paid for our booze (a noble act on our part, I feel) and headed for the door.
One of the still stunned employees blurted out, "So...you're taking the hat?"
"Yeah. Later."
So I told you all of that to tell you this. I got this cool plastic pirate hat now. It's awesome.
"Hey", I said, "Did I tell you I got hammered and stole a pirate hat from a liquor store?"
And so it began.
Demands for a complete retelling, pictures of the glorious thing itself, getting other people to demand pictures until I just couldn't take it anymore. So I sent those out to those as asked after them but then I got to thinking that such a fine tale of daring should be shared and passed down to future generations.
So we're out sailing the seas (at a bar) and decide it's lame and to take all the cool people (us) over to Mike's to just hang out. We drop the women off and we hearty menfolk drive to the liquor store to raid it for it's boozey goodness as I'd not had my fill yet.
We arrive (flourish of trumpets) and storm into the joint, as is our way, looking for our chosen plunder. On our way down an aisle I see a Captain Morgan display and on it, a hat. Not just any hat my friends, an awe inspiring cheap plastic pirate hat. It was love at first sight.
"Mike!", I yelled (because, Mike). "Dude!" (because, sometimes, dude). "Look at this hat!"
I put it on and instantly I could sense it had been waiting for me. It was MINE.
Mike turned and, seeing me in all my piratey glory, bellowed, "That is the GREATEST fucking thing I've ever seen!" Truly he is wise.
We raid and plunder the store for our desired libations and boldly stride up to the register, me with my new hat in its rightful place.
"This hat is awesome," I said.
"Look at how awesome that fucking hat is!" Mike added.
They looked upon me and were appropriately moved by my mighty visage.
"Look how great I look in it."
"Look at how fucking gorgeous he is in that thing!" It should be noted that Mike, like so many straight men before him, is confused by the feelings I give him in his swimsuit area.
"I'm taking it with me, obviously."
"There's no WAY he's leaving without it!"
Now you might be saying to yourself, But...stealing is wrong! and you'd be correct. Mostly. There are situations that warrant a little misdemeanor larceny. Some even that demand it. This was one of those times. If police had been present they surely would have applauded me and told everyone to calm down and, if it came to it, stand in front of a judge and declare my actions naught but joy filled shenanigans. Though of course I'm not sure how shenanigans are covered under the law. Does the 3 strikes rule come into play? Are previous shenanigans held against you or in your favor? It's a mystery.
Anyway, we paid for our booze (a noble act on our part, I feel) and headed for the door.
One of the still stunned employees blurted out, "So...you're taking the hat?"
"Yeah. Later."
So I told you all of that to tell you this. I got this cool plastic pirate hat now. It's awesome.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Henceforth we will summer in Zebulon
This weekend was finally time for TacoCon. Has the world ever before known such a level of awesome? No. No it has not.
On the way down I got a speeding ticket which a lesser man would have taken as a bad omen. I knew better. As I approached the land of Yay I saw an actual omen and it was good. A sign announced that I was drawing ever closer to Zebulon.
Zebulon.
As I got closer to it I was filled with more and more cheer until I finally crossed into it and erupted with a call of, "ZEBULON! WOOOOOOOT!!
Ah sweet Zebulon.
Finally I arrive at the House of Taco and skip through an imaginary field of posies up to the door. I have traveled far. Grant me access! Taco and fett have started merry making without me but I'm here now! Let us begin in earnest. I am also greeted at the door by Taco's daughter who instantly launches into a song and dance routine that is easily one the greatest things I have ever laid eyes on. These kids are destined to take our places at the top of Awesome Mountain. We set about our busy schedule of hanging out, drinking, talking, telling stories and being gods among men. We are successful on all counts.
So day 2 starts with lunch and then it's off to the fair. That's right, we're going to see some goats. Why goats, you ask? Why the hell not? More talking and general awesomnosity on the trip over and then we arrive and the levels of Pure Yay go off the charts. I know we're in for it when as soon as we're through the gates an announcement comes on inviting us to try some famous biscuits and "Get some south in your mouth!" The three of us stopped in our tracks as one person and turned to look at each other. No one else around us reacted to it at all. Nothing. These people live in the middle of comedy gold and have no appreciation of it. Many things will change once we establish our empire in Zebulon.
Have you ever seen three grown men wander around several buildings worth of goat pens laughing harder and harder as they go until finally they're leaning against walls in order to stay upright? Let me tell you, no one has EVER appreciated goats on as many levels as we did. The goats, the lolspeak, the jokes...sweet baby Jesus I damn near ruptured something. On the car ride back to the house I said maybe 10 words and the entire rest of the time I was laughing. I haven't laughed that hard or that long since...I don't remember ever doing it before actually. By the time we got to the house my ribs and face hurt like I had taken a beating. I loved it.
Still wiping away the tears of painful laughter we go in and Larry's here! Yay! We get all wound up again and before we have a chance to wind down, Yay! Blue's here! Much fun is had recounting the goat adventures and then more talking and story telling and being better than other people. It's quite something how much better than other people we are. Even more than I originally thought. Who knew such a thing was possible?
Side note, Blue's husband is my hero. In one sentence, just one, he expertly and thoroughly mocked the entire room with perfect timing and delivery. I've never seen anything like it before and he is our new lord and master. A statue will be erected at once and offerings will follow shortly thereafter. Seriously, the skill with which he cut us down was godlike. We, of course, laughed at it and ourselves like a pack of loons. To sum up, Kev = omgyespleasemore.
Day three involved a sammich that tasted like sweet sweet love, a retro store with a million things in it I want, Mario Bros. guitar solo and the biggest used book store I've ever seen. Clearly I had fallen into some kind of paradise from which I never wanted to be parted.
Alas it could not last. I had to return to my home state and restore the balance of awesome. We're already making plans for next year (with possible smaller events between) and I still want some shirts made, damn it!
And now I leave you with a short list of out of context quotes from the weekend:
You're doing it wrong!
Hang on, I think invisible goat is invisible.
Good people of Lizard Lick, we come in peace!
Was he a Bears fan?
Look at my aliens.
It's a METAPHOR!
You're so dreamy!
I brought a tarp and some oil.
On the way down I got a speeding ticket which a lesser man would have taken as a bad omen. I knew better. As I approached the land of Yay I saw an actual omen and it was good. A sign announced that I was drawing ever closer to Zebulon.
Zebulon.
As I got closer to it I was filled with more and more cheer until I finally crossed into it and erupted with a call of, "ZEBULON! WOOOOOOOT!!
Ah sweet Zebulon.
Finally I arrive at the House of Taco and skip through an imaginary field of posies up to the door. I have traveled far. Grant me access! Taco and fett have started merry making without me but I'm here now! Let us begin in earnest. I am also greeted at the door by Taco's daughter who instantly launches into a song and dance routine that is easily one the greatest things I have ever laid eyes on. These kids are destined to take our places at the top of Awesome Mountain. We set about our busy schedule of hanging out, drinking, talking, telling stories and being gods among men. We are successful on all counts.
So day 2 starts with lunch and then it's off to the fair. That's right, we're going to see some goats. Why goats, you ask? Why the hell not? More talking and general awesomnosity on the trip over and then we arrive and the levels of Pure Yay go off the charts. I know we're in for it when as soon as we're through the gates an announcement comes on inviting us to try some famous biscuits and "Get some south in your mouth!" The three of us stopped in our tracks as one person and turned to look at each other. No one else around us reacted to it at all. Nothing. These people live in the middle of comedy gold and have no appreciation of it. Many things will change once we establish our empire in Zebulon.
Have you ever seen three grown men wander around several buildings worth of goat pens laughing harder and harder as they go until finally they're leaning against walls in order to stay upright? Let me tell you, no one has EVER appreciated goats on as many levels as we did. The goats, the lolspeak, the jokes...sweet baby Jesus I damn near ruptured something. On the car ride back to the house I said maybe 10 words and the entire rest of the time I was laughing. I haven't laughed that hard or that long since...I don't remember ever doing it before actually. By the time we got to the house my ribs and face hurt like I had taken a beating. I loved it.
Still wiping away the tears of painful laughter we go in and Larry's here! Yay! We get all wound up again and before we have a chance to wind down, Yay! Blue's here! Much fun is had recounting the goat adventures and then more talking and story telling and being better than other people. It's quite something how much better than other people we are. Even more than I originally thought. Who knew such a thing was possible?
Side note, Blue's husband is my hero. In one sentence, just one, he expertly and thoroughly mocked the entire room with perfect timing and delivery. I've never seen anything like it before and he is our new lord and master. A statue will be erected at once and offerings will follow shortly thereafter. Seriously, the skill with which he cut us down was godlike. We, of course, laughed at it and ourselves like a pack of loons. To sum up, Kev = omgyespleasemore.
Day three involved a sammich that tasted like sweet sweet love, a retro store with a million things in it I want, Mario Bros. guitar solo and the biggest used book store I've ever seen. Clearly I had fallen into some kind of paradise from which I never wanted to be parted.
Alas it could not last. I had to return to my home state and restore the balance of awesome. We're already making plans for next year (with possible smaller events between) and I still want some shirts made, damn it!
And now I leave you with a short list of out of context quotes from the weekend:
You're doing it wrong!
Hang on, I think invisible goat is invisible.
Good people of Lizard Lick, we come in peace!
Was he a Bears fan?
Look at my aliens.
It's a METAPHOR!
You're so dreamy!
I brought a tarp and some oil.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
This isn't anywhere near Crystal Lake is it?
So after years of trying my sister and her husband finally talked me into going camping with them. In the past I've been meh about it because I don't care for most of their friends and at least one or two of these people tend to go as well. This time it was my sister's birthday and she laid on the pleases pretty thick (plus my drinkin' buddy was going and I was given to understand that I could drink as much as I wanted AND have control of the fire all weekend) so I figured why not. I packed a bag, a shitload of beer and off I went.
I went up on Friday morning with my brother in law so set up camp and my sister and drinking buddy came later in the evening. It didn't take long before I was completely lost as I have no sense of direction and am easily turned around. On the way up I went over what to do in case of machete killer attack in great detail as I feel this is very important information to have in the woods and I really wanted to feel like I was contributing, y'know? It turned out to be important because I totally spotted the lair of the aforementioned machete killer on the way to our site. Yay me.
Anyway some of us got fairly hammered the first night and it turned out that I should have gotten very hammered first thing Saturday. Have you ever been in a campground shower? Yeesh. It's much like a prison shower except with water pressure so high that I got what would normally be a $500 exfoliation treatment for free. I'm not sure if that's a win or lose. That night after many, many more beers and much playing with fire and good eating and general merriment me and my drinking buddy went for a trek through the woods. At night. Exceedingly dark night. Right past the lair of the machete killer!! What the hell man!? Rookie mistake! No excuses! Luckily he was out gutting someone else but if he'd been there I would have deserved his swift and brutal attention.
All in all it was fun though I literally did not sleep at all for the entire weekend. Just couldn't do it. I drank enough to stun a water buffalo and kept a fire burning for an entire weekend though and that is something indeed. I am...a camper.
I went up on Friday morning with my brother in law so set up camp and my sister and drinking buddy came later in the evening. It didn't take long before I was completely lost as I have no sense of direction and am easily turned around. On the way up I went over what to do in case of machete killer attack in great detail as I feel this is very important information to have in the woods and I really wanted to feel like I was contributing, y'know? It turned out to be important because I totally spotted the lair of the aforementioned machete killer on the way to our site. Yay me.
Anyway some of us got fairly hammered the first night and it turned out that I should have gotten very hammered first thing Saturday. Have you ever been in a campground shower? Yeesh. It's much like a prison shower except with water pressure so high that I got what would normally be a $500 exfoliation treatment for free. I'm not sure if that's a win or lose. That night after many, many more beers and much playing with fire and good eating and general merriment me and my drinking buddy went for a trek through the woods. At night. Exceedingly dark night. Right past the lair of the machete killer!! What the hell man!? Rookie mistake! No excuses! Luckily he was out gutting someone else but if he'd been there I would have deserved his swift and brutal attention.
All in all it was fun though I literally did not sleep at all for the entire weekend. Just couldn't do it. I drank enough to stun a water buffalo and kept a fire burning for an entire weekend though and that is something indeed. I am...a camper.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
My drink and the getting on of same
These days I'm mostly a social drinker. Saturday nights when I play poker I'll one or two beers to loosen up, three if it's been a really awful week. Some weeks require more than this. A lot more. After swapping calls and texts with a few people during the week we decided that this last week was one of those. A true shit week that seemed to have it in for us all. Clearly it was a sign. We needed to blow off some steam. To grab that pressure release valve and haul that sumbitch around hard and fast.
We quickly devised a clever and intricate plan which I will now share with you.
The Plan
1. Go out.
2. Drink.
3. Drink quite a lot more.
4. Give it a good hard think.
5. Decide on having more drinks.
6. WOOHOO!
It's a work of genius isn't it? You'd think that it's too elaborate for us to pull off and let me tell you we had our doubts. We thought it might be too big, too grand an adventure. I'll admit it, we were scared. But did that stop us? No! We bravely set out to make The Plan a reality.
My friends I am pleased to announce that we were successful beyond our wildest hopes.
I haven't been that hammered for long and long and, Maker bless me, there wasn't the slightest hint of nausea which is weird because we were packing away a wide variety of food. Highlights included the crab dip, jerk chicken, a variety of chicken wings and what's a party without some deep fried cheese? The Old Man was looking after me for sure and many thanks you wily and magnificent bastard. I haven't laugh that much or that hard for a very long time and I really needed it.
Note: when you're completely faced, never play pool against the designated driver. He'll cheat. Somehow when I was trying to break he made me miss the cue four times in a row. Sneaky git.
Anyway, I wouldn't normally bore you lot with a drunk story but I don't have many good nights (or days for that matter) and when I do I like to share. Also, I heartily recommend that everyone get a friend that you can collapse into a drunken heap with, arms and legs twined together like a string of Christmas lights that have been sitting in a box all year, and go to sleep with without any of the bullshit sexual tension that normally keeps people from that kind of thing.
Bonus: zero hangover.
We quickly devised a clever and intricate plan which I will now share with you.
The Plan
1. Go out.
2. Drink.
3. Drink quite a lot more.
4. Give it a good hard think.
5. Decide on having more drinks.
6. WOOHOO!
It's a work of genius isn't it? You'd think that it's too elaborate for us to pull off and let me tell you we had our doubts. We thought it might be too big, too grand an adventure. I'll admit it, we were scared. But did that stop us? No! We bravely set out to make The Plan a reality.
My friends I am pleased to announce that we were successful beyond our wildest hopes.
I haven't been that hammered for long and long and, Maker bless me, there wasn't the slightest hint of nausea which is weird because we were packing away a wide variety of food. Highlights included the crab dip, jerk chicken, a variety of chicken wings and what's a party without some deep fried cheese? The Old Man was looking after me for sure and many thanks you wily and magnificent bastard. I haven't laugh that much or that hard for a very long time and I really needed it.
Note: when you're completely faced, never play pool against the designated driver. He'll cheat. Somehow when I was trying to break he made me miss the cue four times in a row. Sneaky git.
Anyway, I wouldn't normally bore you lot with a drunk story but I don't have many good nights (or days for that matter) and when I do I like to share. Also, I heartily recommend that everyone get a friend that you can collapse into a drunken heap with, arms and legs twined together like a string of Christmas lights that have been sitting in a box all year, and go to sleep with without any of the bullshit sexual tension that normally keeps people from that kind of thing.
Bonus: zero hangover.
Monday, January 1, 2007
Happy New Year
So I decided to give this a try after I finally made it to being the last person without a blog, journal or myspace account. We'll see how it goes. Anyway, on to the post:
So it's January 1st 2007. Ah the first day of a new year. So full of possibilities and chances for fresh starts and new outlooks on life. For other people this is, not so much for me. Lemme 'splain.
So I'm at a social gathering to ring in the new year. It's a relatively small gathering and there are no people there that I hate so that's a good start. We sit, we joke, we laugh, at some point we played some poker, I won some money and all was well. Eventually there was a countdown, a small cheer and exchanges of good will and good wishes for the forthcoming year. More joking and laughing and a few hours later I decide to call it night. If only it were so simple.
Weighted down with my new winnings and carrying my collection of well wishes on my back I begin the short drive home. It was raining on and off all night and was back on during the trip. It's no more than 10 or 15 minutes from where I was to where I was going and my hopes were, well, not high but then not as low as usual so that was a small victory. With the windshield wipers keeping almost perfect time with the music and my new set of tires gripping the road, I'm enjoying the drive. Very few people on the road with me and I'm getting every light green. I do love green lights so very much.
"We'll not impede your progress," they say. "Off you go and Godspeed good traveller," I can almost hear them call when I go by. I don't like to think that they had malevolent intent on their minds. I want to believe that they were just being extra friendly to celebrate the new year in the only way they have. I really want to believe that.
As I come over the small rise to the last light before my turn onto my street I see that it too is green. "Come ahead then," it tells me. "You're almost there. Just through me and one minute more until you are home." I mentally call a greeting to this thoughtful director of traffic as I approach.
Who is this fellow staggering into the crosswalk, I think, right on the heels of this. Ah, never mind. He sees me and has stopped crossing against the light.
Scratch that. Here he comes...
BOOM
So, yeah, I hit him. Hit him good, too. It was kind of like shuffleboard except I didn't push a puck so much as ram a drunken moron and send him skidding down the wet road. He comes to a stop with his shirt and coat around his head and his goofy white butt sticking up in the air. My first thought was something like, "..." then a shake of the head and "...". Then, in a clear affront to logic and reason, the guy stands up. I look around and see another person already dialing a cell phone and this guy makes a beeline for that guy. I roll down the window and the guy on the phone tells me he's taking care of the calls (turns out he's an off duty detective and thank you for your help kind sir) and my human shuffleboard puck is trying to convince him not to do that. He wanders over to me and before I can say anything he asks me to just drive away. Over and over he tries to get me to leave the scene.
Anyway, long story short, the cops come, they quickly make sense of the situation, ask me if I want to file a report against the nitwit (I decline), load him into a squad car to get him home and send me on my way.
I really want to believe that this was not planned by evil traffic lights. I really do. I want to be friends with them. Then again, I wanted this new year not to suck. Such is life. Mine anyway.
Anyone know a good auto body shop that works cheap?
So it's January 1st 2007. Ah the first day of a new year. So full of possibilities and chances for fresh starts and new outlooks on life. For other people this is, not so much for me. Lemme 'splain.
So I'm at a social gathering to ring in the new year. It's a relatively small gathering and there are no people there that I hate so that's a good start. We sit, we joke, we laugh, at some point we played some poker, I won some money and all was well. Eventually there was a countdown, a small cheer and exchanges of good will and good wishes for the forthcoming year. More joking and laughing and a few hours later I decide to call it night. If only it were so simple.
Weighted down with my new winnings and carrying my collection of well wishes on my back I begin the short drive home. It was raining on and off all night and was back on during the trip. It's no more than 10 or 15 minutes from where I was to where I was going and my hopes were, well, not high but then not as low as usual so that was a small victory. With the windshield wipers keeping almost perfect time with the music and my new set of tires gripping the road, I'm enjoying the drive. Very few people on the road with me and I'm getting every light green. I do love green lights so very much.
"We'll not impede your progress," they say. "Off you go and Godspeed good traveller," I can almost hear them call when I go by. I don't like to think that they had malevolent intent on their minds. I want to believe that they were just being extra friendly to celebrate the new year in the only way they have. I really want to believe that.
As I come over the small rise to the last light before my turn onto my street I see that it too is green. "Come ahead then," it tells me. "You're almost there. Just through me and one minute more until you are home." I mentally call a greeting to this thoughtful director of traffic as I approach.
Who is this fellow staggering into the crosswalk, I think, right on the heels of this. Ah, never mind. He sees me and has stopped crossing against the light.
Scratch that. Here he comes...
BOOM
So, yeah, I hit him. Hit him good, too. It was kind of like shuffleboard except I didn't push a puck so much as ram a drunken moron and send him skidding down the wet road. He comes to a stop with his shirt and coat around his head and his goofy white butt sticking up in the air. My first thought was something like, "..." then a shake of the head and "...". Then, in a clear affront to logic and reason, the guy stands up. I look around and see another person already dialing a cell phone and this guy makes a beeline for that guy. I roll down the window and the guy on the phone tells me he's taking care of the calls (turns out he's an off duty detective and thank you for your help kind sir) and my human shuffleboard puck is trying to convince him not to do that. He wanders over to me and before I can say anything he asks me to just drive away. Over and over he tries to get me to leave the scene.
Anyway, long story short, the cops come, they quickly make sense of the situation, ask me if I want to file a report against the nitwit (I decline), load him into a squad car to get him home and send me on my way.
I really want to believe that this was not planned by evil traffic lights. I really do. I want to be friends with them. Then again, I wanted this new year not to suck. Such is life. Mine anyway.
Anyone know a good auto body shop that works cheap?
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