Five Things

So I decided that from time to time I'll pop in here and make a list of five things. Top fives, bottom fives, random fives, five this and five that. Without further ado I give you:

Five things I did while at work today.

1. I had a coworker sneak up on me and run a long piece of wire through one of my earrings. I decided to leave it there and when people asked me what it was I told them I had been captured, tagged and released so that I could be tracked and monitored in my natural habitat. If they didn't walk away after that I may or may not have then asked if they wanted to mate with me so that it could be studied by the scientific community. Strangely enough no one wanted to mate with me which is weird because I'm obviously very good looking. I mean I'm just wretchedly attractive. It's almost sickening really.

2. I had lunch. There was chicken involved. I can't really go into it because of unresolved legal issues.

3. I wondered if women "shake off" after they're finished pumping gas or if it's just a guy thing that we have to learn to go with that whole peeing standing up thing and then gets transferred over to the gas pump. I'll have to remember to ask someone because I really really want to know.

4. Walked up to a small group of people who were engaged in a conversation, listened silently for a few minutes and when there was a quiet place in the convo said, "I hear a lot of talking and none of it is about my cock. Not a single word. Let's work on that for tomorrow." Then I walked away.

5. Cruised around Amazon.com for something like two and a half hours. I, uh, don't really take a lot of pride in my job anymore plus I have everything so ridiculously organized that some days I have exactly shit all to do for the overwhelming majority of the day.

There you have it, the very first edition of Five Things. One day you'll tell your grandkids that you were there when it all started. Of course you'll be talking about something else but still...