Tuesday, May 25, 2010

See ya in another life, brotha.

After 6 seasons Lost has gone off the air for good (there are no spoilers here. I hate them). Lost hooked me right from the start and quickly became one of my all time favorites. While The Wire is still the best show ever (it's not open for debate) and Breaking Bad has arguably more compelling characters and Deadwood has dialogue like no other show, Lost is the show that I craved most week to week. The show that made me need the next episode like no other show could. It had a mythology so dense it could sometimes make The X-Files look like a sitcom. I mean that in the best possible way. No other show had so many eye widening, jaw dropping, what the fuck moments and not just in season finales, though Lost's season finales were the best, bar none. Every single episode had the potential to bring new and holy shit reveals, and they often did.

It's the only show I know of that the creators negotiated with the network to let them end it sooner rather than later. They wanted to tell their story and then end it instead of dragging on until it turned into a parody of itself or just became bad like most popular shows do.

Even at two and a half hours the finale didn't answer every question and y'know, I'm happy about that. Remember when X-Files tried to tie up every loose end in the final 2 seasons? Yeah, could have done without that. Anyway by the end of it all the questions and answers weren't even that important anymore. In the end it was all about the flawed and tormented characters seeking peace in themselves. They weren't just lost physically, they were all lost in every possible way and the island was the place that gave them the opportunity to find themselves and each other.

I could go on and on (and on and on...) but instead I'll simply say to everyone involved in making Lost from highest to lowest, thank you. There will never and can never be another show like it and I could not appreciate all of your efforts more if I tried.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Insert Valentine Michael Smith reference here

I keep forgetting to tell you faithful few about my trip to Ohio. We went up for Rosalita's grandmother's 90th birthday. Since I freak out a little just looking at a plane we drove up which means we had to drive through Pennsylvania.

What a shithole.

Aside from the mysterious pockets of unexplainable stink you have to drive through from time to time, the place is crawling with Steelers fans. I wish hell were a real place so the Steelers and all their fans could burn in it. Because I hate them in case that was in some way unclear. (GO RAVENS!) Rosalita yelled at me approximately 183 times for informing the natives that their state is a hole and their various sports franchises are worthy of nothing but ridicule and contempt. Some of this when we stopped for gas and to stretch our legs. Apparently it's "rude" to "insult" people. Who knew? I was just trying to help them see the truth!

So yeah we get there and meet and greet and obviously grandma loves me (I mean really, was there some other way for that to end?) and at some point we end up in a store. There's an old lady in there, easily 75, buying lottery tickets. When she's done she turns to me and says, "Am I going to win?" to which I reply, "Of course you are." then she smiles her sweet old lady smile, walks behind me and grabs my butt and walks off.

But wait, there's more.

Before I can think to react on how awesome it is to get goosed by the elderly, she comes back and gets a handful of the other cheek. Clearly this is already the best trip ever.

Skipping ahead...skipping ahead...

We get to the actual birthday party and it's like a parade of old ladies. What's more, the more they come the shorter they get and it's not like the first ones were anything but short to begin with. Tiny, tiny women. I swear I was 3 inches taller than the last one to show while I was sitting down. Seriously there were so many and they were so short I wanted to hand out dark robes, whip out a silver ball and re-enact Phantasm. I practice pointing menacingly at people and calling them "BOY" for just such a chance. It would've been great.

I also got to hang out with Noq, which was mucho yay. All my friends live forever away in places that are not here so getting to see them is always a big win. Move here you heartless fuckers!

*ahem*

So yeah, we met at a bar to watch the Cavs game (there ain't much else to do in Ohio when it's not college football season, they tell me) and I'm pretty sure one of us accidentally ate the waitress, mistaking her for a single pork rib. It's the only way to explain how long we waited for someone to take our order. Eventually there was beer.

Delicious beer.

I introduced him to Rosalita (Seriously dude, Mexican. Don't believe her lies.) then we geeked out at each other for as long as we could. It was glorious.

Eventually we had to leave which involved another drive through PA (mystery stink, shitty state, terrible people, etc) then finally back home. YAY! I like going other places mostly because they remind me how much I love my home state. Thanks for that, other places! I appreciate your efforts to be less awesome.