I'll make this part short because besides me only 2 people (pretty sure it's only 2) that come here regularly will care. The rest of you uncultured heathens can just wait for a few more days until the last part of this little series comes to cover the odds and ends. Anyway, on to the best comics of 2008.
There is no way around the first thing I mention being Matt Wagner's new Grendel series, Behold The Devil. Last year marked the 25th anniversary of this iconic character and Wagner brought him back in style, writing and doing the art (black, white and red of course) himself. You know how you wait and wait for something and then it comes and it's better than you hoped? Yeah, it's like that. Vivat Grendel!
Joss Whedon brought back both Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel for seasons 8 and 6 respectively and is writing and overseeing the comics the same way he did the shows, both of which I love. Since Joss Whedon is my lord and master I implore you all do give him as much money as you can and so sacrifice any creatures it seems right to sacrifice unto him.
Ben Templesmith's (Fell, 30 Days of Night) Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse hits all the sweet spots. A sentient worm inhabits and reanimates a human corpse and spends a lot of time either drinking or fighting to save earth from all manner of foul and loathsome things from horrid dimensions. Horror, humor and action with Templesmith's always eye grabbing art.
Other series/one shots/whatever from '07 that are worth more than a look:
100 Bullets
Y: The Last Man
Criminal
Doktor Sleepless
The Boys
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier
All Star Superman
All Star Batman
The Nightly News
Probably forgetting something but this is still a damn fine example of last year's best. Now some other stuff:
The Award for Best Art goes to Jae Lee and Richard Isanove for their work on The Dark Tower. Isanove painted over Lee's pencils and it was beautiful.
The award for Dumbest Scam to Try to Make You Buy A Lot Of Shitty Comics goes to Marvel. Yet again. Multiple times last year actually. They did their usual massive company wide crossover event, Civil War, which was designed solely to try to make you buy titles you don't normally buy in order to get the complete story (Marvel began doing this kind of shit way back in the late 80's and was part of the reason I stopped collecting the first time) which ended with the death of Captain America (he'll be back if he's not already) and then they IMMEDIATELY launched into another company wide crossover called World War Hulk designed to do the exact same thing. At least they're consistent.
Speaking of Marvel, I was feeling guilty about buying one of their titles (even my lord and master Joss Whedon writing an X-Men book couldn't make me give money to Marvel), Moon Knight, but justified it because it was written by the grabtacular Charlie Huston. I love his novels so I felt like I had to buy his take on Moon Knight. It was awesome. It looks like he doesn't write it anymore so I can go back to quietly ignoring Marvel again. It's sad to see Huston off the book but as long as he keeps writing novels that are all manner of yay then I'm fine with it.
The I Just Stopped Giving A Damn So I'm Not Buying It Anymore Award goes to The Walking Dead. It might be because Kirkman is writing something like 473 monthly titles now but the story just stopped making me give a shit about it. Shame.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The year that was: Part IV
I decided to expand on last year's lists of books, movies and music to further show off my fabulous taste in all things and because I realized that depriving you of my valued opinion on more topics is just mean. Never let it be said that I'm not a giver.
So it turns out that there were a few good things on TV last year. I have to say that far and away the most watchable, riveting thing that aired in 2007 wasn't a drama or a comedy and it for damn sure wasn't a reality show. It was Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel. Seriously.
Eleven episodes that divided the earth into different segments and then showed you things in those segments that you'd never seen before. That NO human had ever seen before in many cases. It was so visually stunning that you can watch it with the sound off and still be utterly fascinated by it though I would suggest it as the narration is amazing too. I kid you not, if you haven't seen this then you need to stop what you're doing and lay hands on it. Now. You will love it.
On to more mundane things, The Office continued to impress. I normally despise remakes but this one is, for me, the best comedy on TV. It finds the right balance between old fashion laughs and Ricky Gervais/Larry David squirm humor. The new season was supposed to be extra long before the writer's strike brought the entire industry to a screeching halt. Very sad that I won't get to see them.
Speaking of Gervais, Extras put out a one shot series finale. Extras managed, in just two seasons, to become one of the funniest shows of all time. I mean that, it's right up there with Python and Fawlty Towers and Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Larry Sanders Show and so on and so on. It really is that funny.
30 Rock was also hysterical much more often than not. Alec Baldwin is without a doubt the best actor going in a comedy series. Every single line his character speaks he turns into comedy gold. Tina Fey has turned her little show that could into the funny show that is.
I also continue to love Lost. The season started a little slow but by mid-season it was chugging along, by the final episode it was screaming down the tracks and then, as usual, the final ep of the season was a mushroom cloud layin' motherfucker. This show has its hooks in me and I love it.
My Name is Earl continues to be the most intelligently written comedy and one of the more intelligently written series period on TV. A show about a redneck that changes his life and starts to follow karma but manages to never get preachy or pretentious.
The best new show that I watched was Reaper. It's a show about an average guy whose parents sold his soul to the devil before he was even born. Now he has to work for Old Scratch to hunt down and trap souls that have escaped from hell so they can be returned. His hyper best friend Sock and levelheaded friend Ben help him in his misadventures. It sounds stupid but when I heard that Kevin Smith was directing the pilot I was on board. I really really hope this show catches on.
Also mostly worth DVRing or Tivoing:
Bones
How I Met Your Mother
Scrubs
Big Love
There are still some shows I've never managed to watch even though they come highly recommended which I will give some lip service to now:
Battlestar Galactica
Weeds
Dexter
The Bionic Woman
Dirty Sexy Money
Without a doubt the dumbest fucking show that dropped last year was Cavemen. They based an entire TV show around a series of car insurance commercials. I of course condemn it without having watched so much as a single second of it. Sometimes I will do nothing to hold back my inner snob.
Reality TV continues to be a big draw and I continue to not watch it. None of it. Not a single episode of any of the mind numbing bullshit. Please stop making this idiotic tripe. PLEASE.
I also don't watch and of the CSI shows. When asked why, I always respond that they're just not believable on any level. But, they say, you watch Lost and other shows that aren't exactly believable. Yes, I respond, but they aren't supposed to be. After watching a few of those CSI shows I just couldn't take it any more. Crime scene investigators are not police. They do not make arrests or conduct interviews or lead investigations and there is not a single lab in any police department on earth that is one tenth as equipped as these places and, finally, the bad guy is caught every episode without fail. Sorry, it's just stupid.
The worst creative slump go to Heroes. Last season the show was perfect. Well written, well acted and each episode built tension in itself and built toward the overarching plot all without missing a single beat. This season it just kind of meandered in its own way and couldn't decide what it wanted to do. Massive bonus points to the series creators though for coming out and say sorry, we fucked up and then promising that they'd start to fix it right away. Then the writer's strike. Ugh.
Best part of the strike? The canceling of boring and not even close to relevant or credible awards shows. Good job there.
TV's biggest mystery remains how Jay Leno continues to draw more Viewers than David Letterman. Leno is not now and has never been funny nor has he ever been a good interviewer or done good bits. He took Carson's show and ran it into the ground. It absolutely sucks.
Letterman on the other hand is still razor sharp, funny as all hell and smart as a whip. He's a phenomenal interviewer and should have been the one to inherit Carson's show. Maybe that's it, he's too smart for the majority of mouth breathing trogs that worship at the light of their master, TV.
It should be noted that I make no mention of The Wire, the greatest show in TV, because it did not air in 2007. Season 4 ended in very late '06 and season 5 started at the beginning of '08. Expect to see it on next year's list, right at the top.
So it turns out that there were a few good things on TV last year. I have to say that far and away the most watchable, riveting thing that aired in 2007 wasn't a drama or a comedy and it for damn sure wasn't a reality show. It was Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel. Seriously.
Eleven episodes that divided the earth into different segments and then showed you things in those segments that you'd never seen before. That NO human had ever seen before in many cases. It was so visually stunning that you can watch it with the sound off and still be utterly fascinated by it though I would suggest it as the narration is amazing too. I kid you not, if you haven't seen this then you need to stop what you're doing and lay hands on it. Now. You will love it.
On to more mundane things, The Office continued to impress. I normally despise remakes but this one is, for me, the best comedy on TV. It finds the right balance between old fashion laughs and Ricky Gervais/Larry David squirm humor. The new season was supposed to be extra long before the writer's strike brought the entire industry to a screeching halt. Very sad that I won't get to see them.
Speaking of Gervais, Extras put out a one shot series finale. Extras managed, in just two seasons, to become one of the funniest shows of all time. I mean that, it's right up there with Python and Fawlty Towers and Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Larry Sanders Show and so on and so on. It really is that funny.
30 Rock was also hysterical much more often than not. Alec Baldwin is without a doubt the best actor going in a comedy series. Every single line his character speaks he turns into comedy gold. Tina Fey has turned her little show that could into the funny show that is.
I also continue to love Lost. The season started a little slow but by mid-season it was chugging along, by the final episode it was screaming down the tracks and then, as usual, the final ep of the season was a mushroom cloud layin' motherfucker. This show has its hooks in me and I love it.
My Name is Earl continues to be the most intelligently written comedy and one of the more intelligently written series period on TV. A show about a redneck that changes his life and starts to follow karma but manages to never get preachy or pretentious.
The best new show that I watched was Reaper. It's a show about an average guy whose parents sold his soul to the devil before he was even born. Now he has to work for Old Scratch to hunt down and trap souls that have escaped from hell so they can be returned. His hyper best friend Sock and levelheaded friend Ben help him in his misadventures. It sounds stupid but when I heard that Kevin Smith was directing the pilot I was on board. I really really hope this show catches on.
Also mostly worth DVRing or Tivoing:
Bones
How I Met Your Mother
Scrubs
Big Love
There are still some shows I've never managed to watch even though they come highly recommended which I will give some lip service to now:
Battlestar Galactica
Weeds
Dexter
The Bionic Woman
Dirty Sexy Money
Without a doubt the dumbest fucking show that dropped last year was Cavemen. They based an entire TV show around a series of car insurance commercials. I of course condemn it without having watched so much as a single second of it. Sometimes I will do nothing to hold back my inner snob.
Reality TV continues to be a big draw and I continue to not watch it. None of it. Not a single episode of any of the mind numbing bullshit. Please stop making this idiotic tripe. PLEASE.
I also don't watch and of the CSI shows. When asked why, I always respond that they're just not believable on any level. But, they say, you watch Lost and other shows that aren't exactly believable. Yes, I respond, but they aren't supposed to be. After watching a few of those CSI shows I just couldn't take it any more. Crime scene investigators are not police. They do not make arrests or conduct interviews or lead investigations and there is not a single lab in any police department on earth that is one tenth as equipped as these places and, finally, the bad guy is caught every episode without fail. Sorry, it's just stupid.
The worst creative slump go to Heroes. Last season the show was perfect. Well written, well acted and each episode built tension in itself and built toward the overarching plot all without missing a single beat. This season it just kind of meandered in its own way and couldn't decide what it wanted to do. Massive bonus points to the series creators though for coming out and say sorry, we fucked up and then promising that they'd start to fix it right away. Then the writer's strike. Ugh.
Best part of the strike? The canceling of boring and not even close to relevant or credible awards shows. Good job there.
TV's biggest mystery remains how Jay Leno continues to draw more Viewers than David Letterman. Leno is not now and has never been funny nor has he ever been a good interviewer or done good bits. He took Carson's show and ran it into the ground. It absolutely sucks.
Letterman on the other hand is still razor sharp, funny as all hell and smart as a whip. He's a phenomenal interviewer and should have been the one to inherit Carson's show. Maybe that's it, he's too smart for the majority of mouth breathing trogs that worship at the light of their master, TV.
It should be noted that I make no mention of The Wire, the greatest show in TV, because it did not air in 2007. Season 4 ended in very late '06 and season 5 started at the beginning of '08. Expect to see it on next year's list, right at the top.
Monday, January 14, 2008
The year that was: Part III
We've come to the music portion of our recap. I feel I should point out in advance that my music list will in no way resemble the forthcoming or already out lists of music critics and similar. The reasons are simple:
I still don't like Radiohead and I never have. In fact I have actively disliked them since the first time I heard their first single get played on the local indie station way back when. I think I may have once heard a song by them that I sort of liked but I can't say for sure it was them. It sounded like them minus the suck. Can't be sure.
I still don't think that listening to The Shins will change your life in any conceivable way. I listen to their stuff and am filled with an overwhelming sense of...meh. It does nothing for me. At all. It doesn't move me or make me wonder at their skill as musicians or any other such thing.
I don't think Arcade Fire is the greatest thing since whatever the last greatest thing was. They also do virtually nothing for me.
Kanye West and his insane ego and race baiting only make me want to ignore him in hopes that he will get so desperate for attention that he will do something stupid and end up in a coma. That or just grow the hell up and get over himself. Either or.
Anyway, here's my take on the music of '07, the best album of which was...
Once again Jack and Meg have dropped a bomb on the ears of the world. Much more of a straightforward rock record than their last album and I think I much prefer it that way. The guitar shreds and while some people will scream that Meg is a bad drummer it seems more to me that Jack writes her drum parts to be nothing but stripped down almost primal banging. I've heard more than one reviewer call their music childish or childlike and that just shows that these people miss the point. There is nothing childish about it. You either get it or you don't and if you get it, you're going to love it.
Shit hot tracks: Icky Thump and Rag and Bone.
Coming in firmly at number two (so firmly that I almost made it number 1) is Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. Talk about an odd pairing. On paper you think, "Bwah?" but once that sweet sweet music starts to flow all you can think is that you're hearing something truly significant. A mix of some rock and blues, folk and R&B, blue grass and maybe a little gospel in the background for flavor, all without ever getting in its own way or stepping on its own toes. The music is spare and makes certain that while you won't ignore it, it won't try to make you forget to focus on the singing which takes center stage. Producer T-Bone Burnett brings it all together in a way that makes it pure gold. This is one for the ages. Bank on it.
Shit hot tracks: Killing The Blues and Through The Morning, Through The Night.
Next up is Back To Black by Amy Winehouse. A huge voice that she and some smart producers decided to put over actual music instead of same old same old pop beats. The first time I heard a song off of this album I wondered if I had somehow come across a throwback station on the radio and would some Billie Holiday or Nina Simone be coming up next. I finally found out who it was and then Noq informed me that the entire album was like that. I ran straight out and got it. The vocals are superb, the music drives and every song is full of passion.
Shit hot tracks: Rehab and Back To Black.
The Foo Fighters released Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace and continue to put out high quality rock albums in an age where shitty rock music is the norm. Dave Grohl is, for my money, a fucking brilliant song writer and this album lives up to all his previous work, which is saying a lot. There isn't a whole lot I can say other than if you're a fan of Foo, you already love it and if you're not then there's probably something wrong with you.
Shit hot tracks: The Pretender and Long Road To Ruin.
I'm going to go out on not much of a limb and say that none of my regular readers knows who Lucinda Williams is or why she's awesome. This should change as soon as possible. Last year she released West, yet another great album. Her bluesy, folksy music combined with her far above average lyrics once again blend to make a triumphant noise...that a small fraction of the listeners she deserves will hear. Very seldom are the times I will steer you wrong. You NEED to have some Lucinda in your CD collection.
Shit hot tracks: All of them.
Finally, Ministry released The Last Sucker. Good old Al is in fine form taking shots at George W. just like he took shots at his father way back when. The album is fast, hard, heavy and pissed off like a Ministry album should be and reminds us that even though he won't be president for much longer, we shouldn't stop being furious at W.
Shit hot tracks: Let's Go and No Glory.
Now then, on to the other stuff.
Nickelback did not release an album in '07. God is good.
Godsmack went on "hiatus." God is great.
Jennifer Lopez released an album and it tanked. God is mighty...and funny.
The Award for Best Cover Song goes to Ministry for Roadhouse Blues (The Doors). The original made me want to go to the bar and get really drunk. This version makes me want to go to the bar, get really drunk and beat up everyone in the place.
The Award for Worst Cover Song goes to Godsmack for having the audacity to cover Good Times, Bad Times. Excuse me but you do realize that you're nothing but a Metallica/AiC rip off band and that it is completely offensive for you to even try to cover any song by the greatest band ever, right? Please make your hiatus permanent and never try to make music again. Fuck you.
It's not a music post by me unless I work in a reference to Maynard. He finally released an album for his Puscifer side project called V is for Vagina. For something that he mostly thinks of as one offs or things that he just wanted out of his head I gotta say, it ain't bad. Indigo Children was stuck in my head for days.
I think I'll stop now as my last post got way out of control and was damn near a novella by the time I stopped and I still hadn't got to everything I wanted to.
I still don't like Radiohead and I never have. In fact I have actively disliked them since the first time I heard their first single get played on the local indie station way back when. I think I may have once heard a song by them that I sort of liked but I can't say for sure it was them. It sounded like them minus the suck. Can't be sure.
I still don't think that listening to The Shins will change your life in any conceivable way. I listen to their stuff and am filled with an overwhelming sense of...meh. It does nothing for me. At all. It doesn't move me or make me wonder at their skill as musicians or any other such thing.
I don't think Arcade Fire is the greatest thing since whatever the last greatest thing was. They also do virtually nothing for me.
Kanye West and his insane ego and race baiting only make me want to ignore him in hopes that he will get so desperate for attention that he will do something stupid and end up in a coma. That or just grow the hell up and get over himself. Either or.
Anyway, here's my take on the music of '07, the best album of which was...
The White Stripes - Icky Thump
Once again Jack and Meg have dropped a bomb on the ears of the world. Much more of a straightforward rock record than their last album and I think I much prefer it that way. The guitar shreds and while some people will scream that Meg is a bad drummer it seems more to me that Jack writes her drum parts to be nothing but stripped down almost primal banging. I've heard more than one reviewer call their music childish or childlike and that just shows that these people miss the point. There is nothing childish about it. You either get it or you don't and if you get it, you're going to love it.
Shit hot tracks: Icky Thump and Rag and Bone.
Coming in firmly at number two (so firmly that I almost made it number 1) is Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. Talk about an odd pairing. On paper you think, "Bwah?" but once that sweet sweet music starts to flow all you can think is that you're hearing something truly significant. A mix of some rock and blues, folk and R&B, blue grass and maybe a little gospel in the background for flavor, all without ever getting in its own way or stepping on its own toes. The music is spare and makes certain that while you won't ignore it, it won't try to make you forget to focus on the singing which takes center stage. Producer T-Bone Burnett brings it all together in a way that makes it pure gold. This is one for the ages. Bank on it.
Shit hot tracks: Killing The Blues and Through The Morning, Through The Night.
Next up is Back To Black by Amy Winehouse. A huge voice that she and some smart producers decided to put over actual music instead of same old same old pop beats. The first time I heard a song off of this album I wondered if I had somehow come across a throwback station on the radio and would some Billie Holiday or Nina Simone be coming up next. I finally found out who it was and then Noq informed me that the entire album was like that. I ran straight out and got it. The vocals are superb, the music drives and every song is full of passion.
Shit hot tracks: Rehab and Back To Black.
The Foo Fighters released Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace and continue to put out high quality rock albums in an age where shitty rock music is the norm. Dave Grohl is, for my money, a fucking brilliant song writer and this album lives up to all his previous work, which is saying a lot. There isn't a whole lot I can say other than if you're a fan of Foo, you already love it and if you're not then there's probably something wrong with you.
Shit hot tracks: The Pretender and Long Road To Ruin.
I'm going to go out on not much of a limb and say that none of my regular readers knows who Lucinda Williams is or why she's awesome. This should change as soon as possible. Last year she released West, yet another great album. Her bluesy, folksy music combined with her far above average lyrics once again blend to make a triumphant noise...that a small fraction of the listeners she deserves will hear. Very seldom are the times I will steer you wrong. You NEED to have some Lucinda in your CD collection.
Shit hot tracks: All of them.
Finally, Ministry released The Last Sucker. Good old Al is in fine form taking shots at George W. just like he took shots at his father way back when. The album is fast, hard, heavy and pissed off like a Ministry album should be and reminds us that even though he won't be president for much longer, we shouldn't stop being furious at W.
Shit hot tracks: Let's Go and No Glory.
Now then, on to the other stuff.
Nickelback did not release an album in '07. God is good.
Godsmack went on "hiatus." God is great.
Jennifer Lopez released an album and it tanked. God is mighty...and funny.
The Award for Best Cover Song goes to Ministry for Roadhouse Blues (The Doors). The original made me want to go to the bar and get really drunk. This version makes me want to go to the bar, get really drunk and beat up everyone in the place.
The Award for Worst Cover Song goes to Godsmack for having the audacity to cover Good Times, Bad Times. Excuse me but you do realize that you're nothing but a Metallica/AiC rip off band and that it is completely offensive for you to even try to cover any song by the greatest band ever, right? Please make your hiatus permanent and never try to make music again. Fuck you.
It's not a music post by me unless I work in a reference to Maynard. He finally released an album for his Puscifer side project called V is for Vagina. For something that he mostly thinks of as one offs or things that he just wanted out of his head I gotta say, it ain't bad. Indigo Children was stuck in my head for days.
I think I'll stop now as my last post got way out of control and was damn near a novella by the time I stopped and I still hadn't got to everything I wanted to.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The year that was: Part II
Moving on to my second great love, movies. Last year was a damn good year for movies. Without any further ado, here goes.
Hands down the best movie I saw last year was Children of Men. I know, I know, technically it came out in '06 but by "came out" I mean "was shown at a festival or two and then given a theatrical release in 2 cities so that it could be in Oscar contention." It wasn't released wide until January so I count it as an '07.
Anyway, it was the first movie I saw in '07. I went to see it the first week of the year if memory serves and I walked out thinking, "There's no way in hell I'll see a better movie than that this year." I was right.
It's not just a great movie but, in my not at all humble opinion, an important movie. It's not just the story, which was very good, or the acting, which was superb. The cinematography was flat out amazing. I've never seen anything like it before. The scene in the car that was done in one long take is nothing short of brilliant. I still can't wrap my head around it. Plus the little things that most people wouldn't notice like the fact that most of the music is right in the movie with people listening to radios and such. When was the last time that happened?
It is your duty as humans to see this movie. Go ahead. I'll wait.
Other very worthy films:
Pan's Labyrinth
Technically also an '06 for the same reasons as above but I'm counting it as an '07 also for the same reasons as above.
This was '07's visually yummy film like The Fountain was for '06. It's a beautiful and dark fairy tale that is very much not for kids but will make you connect with the kid still in you. It's standing ovation at the Cannes Film Festival was 22 minutes long and deserved every second of it.
These two were easily the best movies of the year.
As for things that officially came out in '07:
No Country For Old Men
The Coen brothers adapt a Cormac McCarthy novel and nail it. Hard. Let that shit sink in for a minute. On the surface the pace would seem slow to a cretin but it's actually relentless. The film, like the book, is brutal but strangely calm at the same time. Damn near perfect.
Juno
An ensemble dark(ish) comedy that is perfectly written and cast doesn't happen often but when it does, damn. Ellen Page, who delivered the equivalent to a blow to the head with last year's Hard Candy, is the centerpiece of this film. It's scary that she's this good so young.
Lars and the Real Girl
On the surface it sounds like a ridiculous plot (and could have easily tipped over into camp or just plain stupidity in other, less capable, hands) but they pull it off. Ryan Gosling walks a tightrope with the main character but never falls.
American Gangster
Ridley Scott directing Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe. Who cares what the movie is about? I'd pay money to see Ridley Scott direct those two reading their grocery lists.
The Savages
Utterly black comedy, how I do love thee. Watching Philip Seymour Hoffman (who is one of my favorite actors) and Laura Linney deal with their father, who all but abandoned them leaving them with massive emotional damage, who has dementia is pure gold.
Sweeney Todd
It's a musical directed by Tim Burton starring Johnny Depp about a serial killing barber that is insanely bloody. Shit, man, they had me at Burton directing Depp. The rest is just gravy.
These were the best films of the year. You are, as always, free to disagree. It is your right to be wrong. And now for some other stuff!
The Why Isn't This Person In More Roles Preferably Of The Leading Variety Award goes to Jason Bateman. His supporting turns in both Juno and The Kingdom were yet more proof that he is made of pure awesome. Jennifer Garner was also in both of those movies and makes amends for Elektra. I forgive you Jennifer. Now if you'd just ditch that loser you married...
The Breakthrough Award goes to Michael Cera ( who you may remember from Arrested Development) for turns in Superbad and Juno. He's 19 and has the comedy chops and timing of a seasoned veteran.
The award for Best Idea That Tanked Because People Are Fucking Stupid goes to Grindhouse. Two movies complete with fake trailers and ads all in celebration of the grand grindhouse tradition and no one got it. People make me sick. For the record, Planet Terror is superior in EVERY way to Death Proof.
What the hell? Another good comic book movie? After Sin City and Batman Begins I was all set for a long drought full of shitty comic book adaptations like those asstastic Fantastic Four movies and such but no, here came 300. 300 will kick your ass, have sex with your woman, ruin her for other men, kick your ass again and then have its way with your prone body. And you will love it.
Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright and Nick Frost should make movies together forever. Hot Fuzz was everything you'd ever want in an action comedy.
What the hell 2, the sequel? A good remake? Have I somehow crossed into a different dimension? Maybe. Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween was perfect. It even fixed some of the problems I had with the original. Zombie knows his shit. He's one of those people that you wish you could be friends with.
You Missed The Point Of The Source Material Award goes to I Am Legend. While a decent popcorn movie in and of itself it doesn't come anywhere close to doing justice to the book.
Best use of frontal nudity goes to Viggo Mortenson in Eastern Promises who did a loooooong nude scene in which he fights off two thugs trying to kill him while he is completely naked. The added vulnerability of his exposed danglies makes the scene very BOOYA!
The best DVD releases were the special editions of Serenity and Hot Fuzz. I already owned the original editions but the new ones, especially Hot Fuzz, had so much more on them that not buying them was not an option.
The best B movies (and I do not use that term disparagingly. I love B movies) were, in no uncertain terms:
Hatchet. A good old fashioned slasher movie starring Kane Fucking Hodder. It arouses me just thinking about it.
Black Sheep. A movie from New Zealand about, wait for it, mutated, man eating sheep. Dude. This movie rocks on so many levels I can't even tell you.
Fido. A zombie movie set in the fifties after people have mostly won the zombie war and keep zombies as pets with restraining collars. Imagine the full on Leave it to Beaver treatment with flesh eating zombies. I can neither confirm nor deny that I rubbed the DVD case on my swimsuit area.
The best theatrical re-releases (we get quite a lot of those here thanks to The Senator and The Charles) were Hitchcock's The 39 Steps and Ridley Scott's Blade Runner. Seeing classics on the big screen is a treat that little else compares to.
I'm sad and weepy that I missed The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. An indie western that got raves for acting? I also missed Michael Clayton. George Clooney is Cary Grant reborn. Damn it why did I wait so long!? I can't wait until these come out on DVD.
And finally, my serious awards for the year:
Best Film: Children of Men. If you want to make an issue of the release date then it's No Country For Old Men.
Best Director: Guillermo del Toro for Pan's Labyrinth. Ridley Scott if the release date thing is an issue.
Best Screenplay: Juno written by Diablo Cody. Taking in just the screenplay without adding the actors is difficult but this is clearly the best. The lady is hilarious.
Best Actor: Javier Bardem as the psychotic Anton Chigurh in No Country For Old Men. He plays the character with such a quiet rage and intensity that it's unsettling to watch.
Best Actress: Ellen Page for Juno. How can she be this good so young? Don't know, don't care. All that matters is that she IS this good.
Hands down the best movie I saw last year was Children of Men. I know, I know, technically it came out in '06 but by "came out" I mean "was shown at a festival or two and then given a theatrical release in 2 cities so that it could be in Oscar contention." It wasn't released wide until January so I count it as an '07.
Anyway, it was the first movie I saw in '07. I went to see it the first week of the year if memory serves and I walked out thinking, "There's no way in hell I'll see a better movie than that this year." I was right.
It's not just a great movie but, in my not at all humble opinion, an important movie. It's not just the story, which was very good, or the acting, which was superb. The cinematography was flat out amazing. I've never seen anything like it before. The scene in the car that was done in one long take is nothing short of brilliant. I still can't wrap my head around it. Plus the little things that most people wouldn't notice like the fact that most of the music is right in the movie with people listening to radios and such. When was the last time that happened?
It is your duty as humans to see this movie. Go ahead. I'll wait.
Other very worthy films:
Pan's Labyrinth
Technically also an '06 for the same reasons as above but I'm counting it as an '07 also for the same reasons as above.
This was '07's visually yummy film like The Fountain was for '06. It's a beautiful and dark fairy tale that is very much not for kids but will make you connect with the kid still in you. It's standing ovation at the Cannes Film Festival was 22 minutes long and deserved every second of it.
These two were easily the best movies of the year.
As for things that officially came out in '07:
No Country For Old Men
The Coen brothers adapt a Cormac McCarthy novel and nail it. Hard. Let that shit sink in for a minute. On the surface the pace would seem slow to a cretin but it's actually relentless. The film, like the book, is brutal but strangely calm at the same time. Damn near perfect.
Juno
An ensemble dark(ish) comedy that is perfectly written and cast doesn't happen often but when it does, damn. Ellen Page, who delivered the equivalent to a blow to the head with last year's Hard Candy, is the centerpiece of this film. It's scary that she's this good so young.
Lars and the Real Girl
On the surface it sounds like a ridiculous plot (and could have easily tipped over into camp or just plain stupidity in other, less capable, hands) but they pull it off. Ryan Gosling walks a tightrope with the main character but never falls.
American Gangster
Ridley Scott directing Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe. Who cares what the movie is about? I'd pay money to see Ridley Scott direct those two reading their grocery lists.
The Savages
Utterly black comedy, how I do love thee. Watching Philip Seymour Hoffman (who is one of my favorite actors) and Laura Linney deal with their father, who all but abandoned them leaving them with massive emotional damage, who has dementia is pure gold.
Sweeney Todd
It's a musical directed by Tim Burton starring Johnny Depp about a serial killing barber that is insanely bloody. Shit, man, they had me at Burton directing Depp. The rest is just gravy.
These were the best films of the year. You are, as always, free to disagree. It is your right to be wrong. And now for some other stuff!
The Why Isn't This Person In More Roles Preferably Of The Leading Variety Award goes to Jason Bateman. His supporting turns in both Juno and The Kingdom were yet more proof that he is made of pure awesome. Jennifer Garner was also in both of those movies and makes amends for Elektra. I forgive you Jennifer. Now if you'd just ditch that loser you married...
The Breakthrough Award goes to Michael Cera ( who you may remember from Arrested Development) for turns in Superbad and Juno. He's 19 and has the comedy chops and timing of a seasoned veteran.
The award for Best Idea That Tanked Because People Are Fucking Stupid goes to Grindhouse. Two movies complete with fake trailers and ads all in celebration of the grand grindhouse tradition and no one got it. People make me sick. For the record, Planet Terror is superior in EVERY way to Death Proof.
What the hell? Another good comic book movie? After Sin City and Batman Begins I was all set for a long drought full of shitty comic book adaptations like those asstastic Fantastic Four movies and such but no, here came 300. 300 will kick your ass, have sex with your woman, ruin her for other men, kick your ass again and then have its way with your prone body. And you will love it.
Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright and Nick Frost should make movies together forever. Hot Fuzz was everything you'd ever want in an action comedy.
What the hell 2, the sequel? A good remake? Have I somehow crossed into a different dimension? Maybe. Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween was perfect. It even fixed some of the problems I had with the original. Zombie knows his shit. He's one of those people that you wish you could be friends with.
You Missed The Point Of The Source Material Award goes to I Am Legend. While a decent popcorn movie in and of itself it doesn't come anywhere close to doing justice to the book.
Best use of frontal nudity goes to Viggo Mortenson in Eastern Promises who did a loooooong nude scene in which he fights off two thugs trying to kill him while he is completely naked. The added vulnerability of his exposed danglies makes the scene very BOOYA!
The best DVD releases were the special editions of Serenity and Hot Fuzz. I already owned the original editions but the new ones, especially Hot Fuzz, had so much more on them that not buying them was not an option.
The best B movies (and I do not use that term disparagingly. I love B movies) were, in no uncertain terms:
Hatchet. A good old fashioned slasher movie starring Kane Fucking Hodder. It arouses me just thinking about it.
Black Sheep. A movie from New Zealand about, wait for it, mutated, man eating sheep. Dude. This movie rocks on so many levels I can't even tell you.
Fido. A zombie movie set in the fifties after people have mostly won the zombie war and keep zombies as pets with restraining collars. Imagine the full on Leave it to Beaver treatment with flesh eating zombies. I can neither confirm nor deny that I rubbed the DVD case on my swimsuit area.
The best theatrical re-releases (we get quite a lot of those here thanks to The Senator and The Charles) were Hitchcock's The 39 Steps and Ridley Scott's Blade Runner. Seeing classics on the big screen is a treat that little else compares to.
I'm sad and weepy that I missed The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. An indie western that got raves for acting? I also missed Michael Clayton. George Clooney is Cary Grant reborn. Damn it why did I wait so long!? I can't wait until these come out on DVD.
And finally, my serious awards for the year:
Best Film: Children of Men. If you want to make an issue of the release date then it's No Country For Old Men.
Best Director: Guillermo del Toro for Pan's Labyrinth. Ridley Scott if the release date thing is an issue.
Best Screenplay: Juno written by Diablo Cody. Taking in just the screenplay without adding the actors is difficult but this is clearly the best. The lady is hilarious.
Best Actor: Javier Bardem as the psychotic Anton Chigurh in No Country For Old Men. He plays the character with such a quiet rage and intensity that it's unsettling to watch.
Best Actress: Ellen Page for Juno. How can she be this good so young? Don't know, don't care. All that matters is that she IS this good.
Friday, January 4, 2008
The year that was: Part I
Another year has come and gone and now, as is my way, I will tell you what the best stuff from that year was. So as not to inflict too much damage on you at once (and knowing if I make too long a post, no one will read it) I'll be splitting it up this year. First up is my true love, books.
The best book of last year, as far as I'm concerned, was The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon. It's easy to see why Chabon has previously won the Pulitzer (in '01) and it will be no surprise if this book wins awards of its own. The writing is colorful and full of life and every time you read one of his similes or metaphors you know he is taking pleasure in his own prodigious talents. How could he not? It was fairly common to come across a turn of phrase and have to pause for a moment to let it sink in to fully appreciate it.
Damn he's good.
What's it about, you ask? What the hell does it matter? Go buy it.
A small list of other worthies:
The Terror by Dan Simmons
Has Simmons ever failed to deliver? Let me think...no. Not once. He just has different levels of greatness and this is on the high end. He once again proves that he knows literature down in his marrow and can make words dance with a snap of his fingers. How is it that there are still people that don't buy every book he writes the instant it comes out?
Boomsday by Christopher Buckley
Like A Modest Proposal for the 21st century. I've been a fan of Buckley's for some time and he hits the mark with this. Definitely worth your time.
The Best Of Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet
Lady Churchill's is a zine that comes out quarterly and is full of the yummiest of stories. This is the first collection of the best of those and considering the high standard that they have, they damn well mean it when they say best of. Editors Kelly Link and Gavin Grant, who also publish the zine and choose the fantasy stories for The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror know a thing or seven about stories. Easily the best collection of the year.
We also lost a few writers in '07. They will be sorely missed.
Rest in peace.
Kurt Vonnegut
Robert Anton Wilson
Norman Mailer
Ira Levin
You can't discuss books and '07 without mentioning J. K. Rowling (Seriously, you can't. It's a law now.) For those that may be sick of hearing about her and/or her boy wizard I will say only this, 51% of children that read her did not read for pleasure before her but had begun to do so after her. God bless anyone that can do that.
Brian Lumley and Terry Brooks both released a book in '07 thereby causing the level of suck in the world to increase by quite a lot. Thanks a lot, fuckers!
This year's What The Fuck Award goes to Warren Ellis for Crooked Little Vein. Wonderfully sick, deliciously perverted and truly weird in that special Ellis way. Congratulations, Warren!
See, that wasn't so bad was it? I know good and well that by the middle of next year I'll have worked my way down the to read pile to discover a bunch of stuff that could have been included here. That's the way it goes and it drives me nuts. Not enough hours in the day, I swear. You have some homework now so get crackin'.
The best book of last year, as far as I'm concerned, was The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon. It's easy to see why Chabon has previously won the Pulitzer (in '01) and it will be no surprise if this book wins awards of its own. The writing is colorful and full of life and every time you read one of his similes or metaphors you know he is taking pleasure in his own prodigious talents. How could he not? It was fairly common to come across a turn of phrase and have to pause for a moment to let it sink in to fully appreciate it.
Damn he's good.
What's it about, you ask? What the hell does it matter? Go buy it.
A small list of other worthies:
The Terror by Dan Simmons
Has Simmons ever failed to deliver? Let me think...no. Not once. He just has different levels of greatness and this is on the high end. He once again proves that he knows literature down in his marrow and can make words dance with a snap of his fingers. How is it that there are still people that don't buy every book he writes the instant it comes out?
Boomsday by Christopher Buckley
Like A Modest Proposal for the 21st century. I've been a fan of Buckley's for some time and he hits the mark with this. Definitely worth your time.
The Best Of Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet
Lady Churchill's is a zine that comes out quarterly and is full of the yummiest of stories. This is the first collection of the best of those and considering the high standard that they have, they damn well mean it when they say best of. Editors Kelly Link and Gavin Grant, who also publish the zine and choose the fantasy stories for The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror know a thing or seven about stories. Easily the best collection of the year.
We also lost a few writers in '07. They will be sorely missed.
Rest in peace.
Kurt Vonnegut
Robert Anton Wilson
Norman Mailer
Ira Levin
You can't discuss books and '07 without mentioning J. K. Rowling (Seriously, you can't. It's a law now.) For those that may be sick of hearing about her and/or her boy wizard I will say only this, 51% of children that read her did not read for pleasure before her but had begun to do so after her. God bless anyone that can do that.
Brian Lumley and Terry Brooks both released a book in '07 thereby causing the level of suck in the world to increase by quite a lot. Thanks a lot, fuckers!
This year's What The Fuck Award goes to Warren Ellis for Crooked Little Vein. Wonderfully sick, deliciously perverted and truly weird in that special Ellis way. Congratulations, Warren!
See, that wasn't so bad was it? I know good and well that by the middle of next year I'll have worked my way down the to read pile to discover a bunch of stuff that could have been included here. That's the way it goes and it drives me nuts. Not enough hours in the day, I swear. You have some homework now so get crackin'.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
So far, so...meh?
People love the new year. It's like a fresh sheet of paper that you can do anything on. Lots of possibilities. Hell, you can even fold it into a pirate hat and sail the seas for booty. It took a grand total of two and a half hours for last year to let me know how it was going to go for me. So far this year my head hasn't exploded and I still have all my limbs and it's almost dinner time so I guess that's a better start. We'll see.
Last year, for the most part, was pretty shitty as years go and considering some of the years I've had that's saying something. A lot of my family and friends also had heinous shit befall them. Business as usual. May we all (and by we all I of course mean those I care for) have much, much, MUCH better years this years and every year to follow. Gods know we deserve a change in that area.
Anyway, most people have resolutions and I'm going to make some up for me now:
I resolve to try to keep this year automotive mishap free. Running down a pedestrian, a massive accident and a big ass ticket with accompanying fines from last year make me really want this one to pan out.
I resolve to try very hard to fall down less.
I resolve to continue avoiding fast food. That shit is nasty.
I resolve to try to keep my hatred of myself from interfering with my schedule of hating other people.
I resolve to not start a heroin habit.
I resolve to do a second draft of OoO. (Mostly because Taco will hurt me if I don't.)
And finally I resolve to maintain the level of awesome to which you all have become accustomed and if possible to exceed it.
Last year, for the most part, was pretty shitty as years go and considering some of the years I've had that's saying something. A lot of my family and friends also had heinous shit befall them. Business as usual. May we all (and by we all I of course mean those I care for) have much, much, MUCH better years this years and every year to follow. Gods know we deserve a change in that area.
Anyway, most people have resolutions and I'm going to make some up for me now:
I resolve to try to keep this year automotive mishap free. Running down a pedestrian, a massive accident and a big ass ticket with accompanying fines from last year make me really want this one to pan out.
I resolve to try very hard to fall down less.
I resolve to continue avoiding fast food. That shit is nasty.
I resolve to try to keep my hatred of myself from interfering with my schedule of hating other people.
I resolve to not start a heroin habit.
I resolve to do a second draft of OoO. (Mostly because Taco will hurt me if I don't.)
And finally I resolve to maintain the level of awesome to which you all have become accustomed and if possible to exceed it.
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