Is that Henry Rollins in pink sweatpants?

If you can pine for someone or something can you also elm for them/it? Douglas fir? When does it get dirty? Baby I oaked for you all day. What'd you do last night? Redwooded for your fine ass. I'm curious as to how it works.



My petition to the FDA to have fire reclassified as a vitamin on the grounds that nutrition should be awesome is still being ignored. On an unrelated note, this weird black van has started following me everywhere.



I'm still afraid of Skynet. Moreso now than ever before.



I like to come up with answers in advance to questions you get asked a lot. For the inevitable interview question, "What is your biggest weakness?" I've settled on "Kryptonite, tough gal reporters and kneeling before Zod."



The Fuck should be a unit of measure.



I want to buy a motorized scooter they make for the elderly and try to sign up for marathons in it.



Should I be concerned about the number of conversations I start with, "So when the zombies come..."?



I've recently started calling people gormless. I think it needs to make a comeback. Bonus, no one will know what you're talking about. I've gotten my nephew doing it...to his teachers.



"Biggest strength?" "Collapsing probability waveforms."



I am unbeatable at Scene it. Got that? UNBEATABLE!



I want to heckle someone during sex. "Boo! You're terrible at this! I've seen sexier shit in midget porn!" Something along those lines. Just have to remember to cover anything easily hurt and run before they can find anything sharp.



Great way to get out of a stupid conversation: After the other person prattles on for a few sentences stop them and say "Wait, I thought we were talking about my penis. What are you on about?" They'll leave you alone after that.



"Unique quality you can bring to our company?" "Gibbering madness. IA! IA! Cthulhu fhtagn!"



I'm still not on myspace or facebook or twitter. I win. Yay me.