Misanthrope: mis-ahn-throhp - noun

OK, here's the thing. Maybe I am a little arrogant and maybe I do walk into every room like I'm the best thing in it but you know what? I come by my arrogance honestly and most of the time I AM the best fucking thing in the room. I have it on good authority that I really am as smart as I think I am or close enough that it makes no difference and no, I'm not exactly the type to dumb down for the huddled masses yearning to scrape together a coherent thought so the huddled masses get a little touchy from time to time.

I told you that to tell you this:

It's not my fault that you're a moron. It's not my fault that you aren't as smart as me. It's not my fault that I make you feel inferior. It's your fault. So please, in future, try your best to not to be filled with such mean spirited glee if you happen across some obscure bit of trivia that I am not overflowing with information about or some little nugget of knowledge that I couldn't write an A+ term paper on at a moment's notice. Asking me about things of this nature and then going on and on in a too loud voice about how you've found something that I don't know everything about only points out to anyone with half a brain that you're a fucking ignorant douche with enough insecurities about your own third rate intellect to fill a warehouse. The fact that you were asking me in the first place means that you didn't know and the first person you thought to come to was me.

If your life is so fucking pathetic that you get real joy from finding things that I'm not filled to the brim with information about then please, in all seriousness, go lay down in the street and wait for the solution which should be along directly. Or, as a personal favor to me, shut the fuck up you mouth breathing troglodytes because I'm not just the smartest person in the room, I'm also probably the biggest and the most prone to violence. Step carefully.

And while I'm on the subject of people and their annoying habits, I have a request for the ladies who are dieting. No one wants to fucking hear about your diet that you've been on for the last FOUR FUCKING YEARS that has resulted in you losing and regaining the same 7 1/2 fucking pounds! Here's an idea you fucking whale, next time you're shopping DON'T buy the box of Twinkies and the box of Ding Dongs and the box of Ho Hos and the nine bags of chips and oh why not one more box of Twinkies.

And you on the other side? No one wants you to hover around all day so you can tell us how many fucking points the things that we're eating are worth in your diet. I don't want to hear that my pineapples are worth five whole points with that idiot's smirk on your face because your bag of twigs and pebbles are only worth two. Here's a news flash for you, you're still getting bigger and I'm the only one here losing any weight. No one fucking cares. Shut. The fuck. Up.

Thank you.