I sometimes wonder about how my own mind works. It's sort of a hobby. I like to compare it to the way that other (lesser) minds work so as to try and locate the source of my own superiority at which point I will be able to grind it on the wheel until it has an edge so sharp that it will cut through my skull and flee to its proper home among the stars.
Wait, what was I talking about? How my mind works. Right.
So I'm on the phone with the Evil That Skips last night (it's one of the nicer things she's been called. I won't get into what they tend to call me...) and what she said was "...topical application of lubricant." What I heard was "...tactical application of lubricant." Now before you can ask me why we were talking about lubricant in the first place I will preemptively tell you that I don't know. We're never really more than a short hop away from lube talk at any point regardless of what we're talking about anyway so it's not important.
The point is that someone else would have said huh or what or say that again or simply glossed over it assuming she had slipped up but not me. No sir. I started thinking about it. Tactics. Tactical applications of lube. Lube Team Omega, you are go for lube. Repeat: go for lube. Can there then be a strategic application of lube? Long term lube goals? Is that something we should maybe think about folding into our current lubrication operations, lubeops, or should we form a new team that would specialize in that? So many choices. It's all a bit much really. Is Iran already developing this? Do they even now have training camps for suicide lubers? We have to move on this. Fast.
Things of this nature. Sometimes I love how my mind works. This is why I don't sleep anymore. The hallucinations are nice though. The fact that I could share some of this with her and she didn't do that thing the normals do and freak out and act all weird about it speaks volumes. They are of course forbidden Lovecraftian volumes but that's fine by us.
7 comments:
The best part is in the commercial the lube is actually called, "Topical Arousal Fluid" which is why I brought it up in the first place.
Then this morning I told Ol' Boy that I woke up to find a steaming plate of maple syrup flavored righteous indignation on my pillow, and he said, "All I found was tactically applied lubricant". I responded with something to the effect of, "Were there steel cables still left dangling from the ceiling?"
I love airborne attacks. Just once can we please duct tape razor blades to my knuckles and feet and throw me at someone who deserves it? PLEEEEEASE?
Ah yes, Christy... The Mormon with the worst case of dry vag ANY of us have ever seen. Gotta dust that mofo off!
Mofo. Mormon fucker? I GOT DIBS ON THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME!
AND I call A-Squad in Lubeops.
Everybody's favorite,
Evil That Skips
You can be on A Squad but I am A Squad leader.
Crazy ass Christy.
"Is...is she...playing with my hair?"
There should be maple syrup flavored lube. I'll talk to lubeops R & D about it.
Mormon fucker Halloween costume? You're going to dress like a man and take a bunch of 9 year old girls out with you? THE PROPHET SAID IT'S OK!
Omg that'd be the best if I dressed up as a missionary and then walked around with a bunch of like, barbie dolls as though I were trying to lure little girls and wore three fake wedding bands.
YES!
Actually I think I'm going to go as a valkyrie again (better costume this time) or as She-Ra.
If I'm not there, I want remote video via satellite and/or webcams set up so I can be wheeled around on a cart wherever you guys go.
IT'S ON!
PS- Omg we are so not getting married-uh!
I actually have my heart set on marrying a woman that likes me at least a little or can pretend in a convincing way. Sorry.
Also, I don't need to be drunk to do silly stuff. Ask anyone. Actually...please don't.
"I actually have my heart set on marrying a woman that likes me at least a little or can pretend in a convincing way."
What if I like you a lot... but I'm pretending to be a woman in a not-so-convincing way?
Sold!
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